What is Conscious Relationship?
Couples see me for many reasons.
There may be issues around intimacy. There may be conflict around finances, parenting, socialising, or values. There may be disappointment.
They may have grown apart and feeling that they are no longer ‘in
love.’ There may have been a betrayal of trust.
Often, they are desperate.
But, very often, much can be done!
Now, although each couple is unique, there are also often
commonalities. In over thirty years of working with couples, I
have noticed some kinds of problems that tend to come up time
and time again and I’ll be exploring some of those here - together
with insights and solutions that may help you on your way.
The approach I’ll be taking is what I call ‘Conscious Relationship’ -
a relatively modern development.
Traditionally, the focus of relationships has been on the roles
that each person has to play and these roles have been very
carefully prescribed. And, that suited most people because each
person knew exactly what was expected of him or her and that
created a solid sense of security.
In the 1950’s in the USA, for example, there was a clear
expectation that the husband provide financially for the family
and that the wife looked after the kids and the home. That may
have worked then but most couples today have a much more
complex and varied set of expectations!
And - whether it be via our parenting or from society at large -
there are many other social influences too.
We tend to dress according to social trends, to wear our hair according to fashion, to marry in way that is supported by our society and to be promiscuous to the degree that is tolerated by our culture.
Social influence is enormously powerful!
And, so is our biology!
In fact, if we look at things through the lens of evolutionary
psychology, many of of our expectations are still largely
determined by our biology. Like all other apes, we seek mates. We
strive for security. We desire sex. We raise and protect our
families. And, we raise our children by cooperating with others in
communities and we protect those communities from ‘others.’
We are naturally driven to these things and very often we don’t
realise that it’s largely our biology at play.
So, much of our lives - including our relationships - are very
significantly determined by our biology and by culture.
Now, I’m sure that this is not news to you! But the thing that is
really interesting in all of this is that both the biological drives
and the social conditioning - are very largely unconsciously driven.
In most cases, couples allow their biology and their culture to
determine much of their lives without even knowing that this is
And, that is fine for many but some people long for something
They want to become more conscious.
They want to know who they are and they want to know their partners deeply. They want to be true to their hearts. And, they want to become most fully who they really are.
For such couples, Conscious Relationship is the way to go.
Now, Conscious Relationship is not everyone’s cup of tea. I respect
that and I work happily with many couples for whom this is not a
priority at all.
But, here I’m talking about Conscious Relationship and some of
the common problems that are dealt with along the way. And, I
hope that will see just how helpful this insightful approach can
So, what are common problems that I see in my practice?
Well, we could start with two of the more obvious - sex and
money. And, we will mention these. But, I want to start with ‘falling out of love‘ because so many couple come to couples work feeling bereft because they just don’t feel the same about each other any more. What they don’t realise is that this happens to us all!
Most of us in the modern world get married when we are ‘in love.’
And, of course, it’s wonderful. We feel complete, happy, joyful, and
alive. We would give everything to our love and we discover so
much commonality and have so much fun.
Who wouldn’t want that?
But, there is a huge downside because being in love is a deeply
In fact, it is so unconscious that the great Psychologist - Carl Jung - called it a “socially-condoned psychosis.”
All of us who have been in love know that we eventually fall out of
the enchantment and find ourselves wondering what went wrong.
Things were wonderful but now the passion of the first bloom has
wilted and we are left feeling disappointed and confused.
Despite all the ‘happy-ever-after’ messages that we have received
from popular music, from Hollywood films and from thousands of
romantic novels, we will eventually fall out of love.
It’s just what happens!
And, it’s painful, worrying even deeply disillusioning. But there is
a silver lining!
The spiritual teacher, Adyashanti, once asked the participants in a
group that he was running what they thought love really is. Most
members of the group had strong ideas. But, one man - an elderly
Japanese gentleman - remained silent. In the end, he couldn't keep
quiet and he began to talk about how, when he had gotten
married in Japan, his hope was that - by the time he died - he
would have learned something of what love really is.
This is a profound view and a life-time learning of what it means
to really love someone is central to the practice of Conscious
After the joy of being ‘in love’ comes the chance to learn about love that endures. And, a part of the road to becoming more conscious involves learning to open our hearts to this love - this kindness and compassion - not only towards our partner and our children but also towards ourselves. In a relationship, it comes across as a deep caring for the wellbeing and happiness of our partner - a caring and love that can last a lifetime!
And, we need this love because it’s hard for us to accept life as it
is - to accept that there are no perfect relationships, no perfect
partners, no perfect life - not for anyone.
In fact, life often does not live up to our fantasies and desires. We want things and we can’t afford them. We’re desperate for ‘me’ time but we have to go to work. We’re feeling depleted but our children
need us to take care of them. We wish were slimmer, fitter, better
looking, smarter, wealthier than we are. It is the nature of the
human condition to be at odds with things as they are - at least,
for much of the time.
And that applies to our relationship too!
You might want your man to be strong at a time when he is
struggling. You may want to make love more often than your
partner does. You might wish that your partner was more
romantic, that he or she earned more, that he or she was more
affectionate, or one of a thousand other things.
The reality is that – at this moment – your partner is exactly as he or she is. And, that can be hard to accept. But it is very important to do so because it’s the only reality there is!
It can also be hard for most couples to admit to themselves that
they have a problem and that they really could do with some
Resistance to reality runs deep and I find that, very often, people
choose to ignore their intuitive felt-sense - the background
discomfort - that is telling them that something is not quite right.
Take financial difficulties as an example. Most couples who have
gotten themselves into these difficulties, knew – somewhere deep
in themselves – long before they chose to do anything about it -
that something was wrong. And, they ignored it only to their later
The truth is that - even though it’s hard to face some parts of
reality - the sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to deal
with any of the problems that you might have.
Relationship counselling really helps with this.
Accepting challenges and learning to deal with these brings peace to your life.
Unfortunately, many relationships experience anything
but peace. A complaint that I hear from men over and over again
is: ’she’s always going on at me!’
These men feel that the women in their lives criticise them
relentlessly and they get very angry and tend to close down
emotionally or counter-attack.
So, let’s illustrate this with an everyday example in the life of Sue
They are in the middle of a fight:
Sue: ‘You can’t be serious! You want to go and cycle with your
mates again! You’re just so damned selfish. Look at all I do for
you and for our family and you want to leave me looking
after the kids again!’ It’s just not on!
John: ‘Listen, I work hard for us. I bring in most of the money for
this family. It’s important that I stay fit! Besides which, I
deserve some fun time with my mates.’
Sue: ‘Oh God! You're just a child! Who do you think looks
after the kids when you’re out playing on your bike! Why
don’t you put your big boy pants on for a change and take
your responsibilities as a father seriously?’
John: ‘Listen! I do my bit and maybe I’d be keener to stick around
if you weren’t criticising me all the time. You never recognise anything positive that I do!’
And so it goes on and on - each defending his or her position
with no resolution in sight.
Unfortunately, the problem is not going to be solved unless John
and Sue find out what’s really going on for them. And, they won’t
know what’s really going on unless they listen to each other very
Imagine that Sue and John did listen to each other - really listen -
they might well find something like the following:
• Both feel unappreciated and unloved.
• John feels that Sue doesn’t appreciate just how hard he works
to provide for the family.
• Sue feels that John doesn’t appreciate all the hard work that
she does for the family in addition to the fact that she also
• Sue is beginning to believe that John would rather spend time
with his mates than with her and this hurts her and makes her
feel unwanted and unappreciated as a woman.
• John feels shamed by Sue and he also feels that Sue doesn’t
appreciate just how important some ‘boys time’ really is.
• And, there may also be numerous other issues lying under the
surface – financial concerns, boundary issues, sexual issues,
and much else besides.
So, there is likely to be - a whole range of problems but the
problem that I want to focus on right now is John’s perception
that Sue is criticising him ‘all the time.’
Interestingly, scientific research on relationships sheds some light on why this is such a common complaint.
One of the most consistent findings of this research is that
women are far more likely to flag up problems in a relationship
than are men.
How often have I heard - in couples work - an interchange like the
Sue: ‘There’s something going on. I know there is!’
John: ‘Oh, for God’s sake, Sue. There is nothing going on. Please
just let it go!’
Sue: ‘No, I know that there’s something going on. What’s going
And, over the years, I have learned that when a woman says that
there is something going on, there usually is.
It might not be what she fears. In other words, it might not be
• He’s having an affair.
• Or that he doesn’t love her any more.
• Or that he doesn’t find her attractive any more.
• Or that he’s spent money they can’t afford.
• Or that he didn’t do something that they had agreed that he
Of course, any or all of these may or may not be true…
But, there is usually something going on.
Women (as a gross generalisation) tend to pick these things up because – as a general rule - women are hard-wired to be more sensitive to issues in - and protective of - relationships than are men.
The research supports this notion and it’s been my general experience as a therapist with couples all over the world.
Let’s explore this a little further by taking a relatively neutral
example - Sue and John arranging a barbecue.
• “Let’s have a barbecue and invite our friends”
• Great! I’ll get the beers and the wine, the charcoal and the
meat and we’ll have a great time.
• Who do we owe a dinner to? Well there’s Margaret and Peter,
Jane and Leon, Sandy and Michael, Ann and Jeremy, Michelle
and Roy … but Ann is pissed off with Margaret at the
moment so I can’t invite both of them. So, who should I
invite? Perhaps we shouldn’t invite either of them. No, to hell
with it. They must grow up and deal with their stuff. I’ll
invite both of them.
• But, what about Michelle. I’m so tired of her ‘Look at me.
Look at how wonderful I am!’ attitude. Maybe I’ll give her a
miss, too. But then when the girls get together it’s going to
cause a lot of tension. So, I’d better ask her along, too.
• Should we invite the kids? Let me see, there are 12 kids in
all. No, that’s too many people. We’ll just invite the adults.
• And, what about Leon. Last time he got drunk and
aggressive and I just don’t feel like that again. But, I can’t
not ask Jane. She’ll be very hurt.
• Oh God, the house is looking a mess. I’ll have to tidy the
whole thing up and I need to get new wine glasses. The old
one’s have been ruined by the dishwasher.
• And, what am I going to wear? I feel so fat at the moment
and Ann’s going to be breezing in with her tanned skinny
And that’s only the beginning! We haven’t got to all the other
interpersonal dynamics or to the salads, deserts, snacks, lighting,
or the music.
And, this is where yet another gender difference comes in. Sue
will tend to want to talk all of this through.
There are exceptions of course - but, as a general rule - women
tend to process issues by talking them through to
a greater degree than men do. The research literature
certainly supports this too.
So, as a tendency, women are more sensitive to issues in a
relationship, tend to raise issues more readily and tend to have
greater desire to talk these issues through.
And, many men experience this as a bit of a pain!
But, what I have found in couples work is that it is helpful for
men to see these traits as a great blessing - because they are!
If your woman is raising an issue, she has picked up a problem
and she wants the relationship work!
And it may be laborious for many men but shared conversation
and problem-solving – if entered into willingly – creates an
experience of the two of you working together in a way that
strengthens the bond between you, making the relationship far
safer and much stronger.
So, far from being a ‘critical cow’ an insightful man may well
discover that he is in a relationship with a protectress of the
relationship - a very valuable thing indeed!
Now, let’s explore Sue and John’s situation a bit further - from
Sue’s point of view.
What would she say in response to John’s allegation that she’s
‘always going on’ at him?’
Well, one of the things that Sue may well complain about is that
she can’t rely on John. And, this unreliability may have many
different forms but let’s take a simple example – the task of
watering the pot plants in the home.
Sue and John agreed that John would take care of the pot plants.
He started off well but, after a few weeks, she noticed that he
was neglecting them. So, she raised it gently with him:
“Honey, the pot plants are looking a little thirsty!”
And, nothing changed.
Then she raise it again – several other times - and nothing much
And so, caught by growing frustration, Sue took a much more
“Look, you’ve agreed to look after the pot plants and this one is
just about dead. I’ve asked you how many times? Please just
water the damned pot plants. I do so much around here! I shop for
us. I cook the food. I load and unload the dishwasher, I wash the
clothes, I look after the kids. I do just about everything. Can’t you
grow up just a little and water the blooming plants? Honestly,
you’re just a damned child!”
Now, John reacts. All he has heard is the criticism and the
shaming. So, he counter-attacks:
“There you go again! I’m never good enough, am I! Well, maybe
you should take a good look at yourself! You’re not so damned
He storms off and there is no resolution. The pot plants remain
unwatered and the couple are not in a good way.
This would never have happened, of course, if John had just stuck
to the agreement. But, many men don’t and you may well wonder
why this happens.
Part of the dynamic is that many men feel that, by agreeing to do
something, they are behaving like ‘good boys’ for their ‘mommy’
wives. In other words, they feel like a ‘child’ obeying a ‘parent’
and that makes them want to rebel - just like a teenager might.
But, this can only happen if men don’t approach the whole issue
as an adult.
If John had made the decision - as an adult - he would have felt
that he had fully bought into the decision and would have taken
ownership of his role. This would have enabled him to respond to
Sue’s remarks as an adult – in a non-defensive way - and things
would have gone a great deal better:
“Oh, I’m sorry, Sue. I did agree to watering the pot plants, didn’t
I? I’ll make sure that I do.”
So, John needs to learn to make and stick to his agreements as an
adult - and not as an adolescent or as a child.
But, is their anything Sue could have done to encourage this
maturity? Well, yes! Even though she’d gotten very frustrated, she
could have continued to treat him as an adult (rather than as a
bad child - which only made the scolding parent / bad child
“John, I don’t want to continually come across as a nag. I love you
and appreciate the many things that you do but it’s very
frustrating for me if you agree to do something and then don’t do
it. So please won’t you water the pot plants?”
This will work a whole lot better. Sue is talking about how John’s
inaction is affecting her without shaming him. And, she is
showing love and appreciation and a desire to work together with
Now, even if you know all of this, you may still struggle because -
as we all know - when feelings are running high, it’s very hard
not to be critical or defensive!
So, what do we do? Well, it helps a great deal if we have a way of
calming ourselves down before we deal with difficult issues. Now
it may only take a few deep breaths, a short talking to yourself or
a quick walk around the block to calm down but it may take a
great deal more – a run, a yoga session, a walk, meditation or
even a work-out at the gym.
You need to do whatever works for you, so that you can come
back to the discussion in a much more constructive way.
And, you need to have an agreement with your partner that, if
either of you needs to calm down, that you are given the space to
do that provided that you come back to that discussion.
But, even given all of this, many couples still find that they
struggle and this is where couples work really comes into its
own. A third person - a professional - helps to moderate conflict
enabling you to deal with difficulties in a much more constructive
Now, having calmed down, the next step is to engage in careful
and respectful listening. Any good professional will tell you that
careful and respectful listening is an essential skill.
Well, without careful listening, we can’t really know what is
going on for our partner. And, without our partner being able to
listen very carefully to us, they can’t know what is going on for
us. And, without knowing what is going on for each other, how
can we possibly deal with any problems that might arise?
So, careful listening is very important but most of us are not very
good at it!
Instead of listening, most people find themselves reacting while
the other person is talking. So, they find themselves thinking
things like: ’No, that’s not true!’ or ‘How can you say that!’ or ‘Oh
my God, is that what you really think?’ or some other response
that turns into a conversation in their head.
And, when this happens, they’re not really listening!
When we are listening - really listening - we are putting all of our
attention on the other person and we are listening with
everything we have got.
In relationship counselling we learn this skill and it makes a huge difference. It not only helps you to understand the problem at hand, it enables both of you to develop a much deeper understanding of each other and, in the process, you will also develop a much deeper understanding of yourself.
So now the two of you have calmed yourselves down. You have
listened very carefully to each other and now the problem is a
good deal clearer.
Now it’s very helpful to ask this question:
Given this problem - and given the people that we are - how are
we going to best deal with this together?’
Notice that I say together because this is critical. A relationship is
a joint effort.
In a good relationship, you are not only living your own lives, you
are also supporting the life of your partner and both of you are
responsible for keeping the relationship alive. A relationship
needs care and attention every bit as much as each of you do.
So, a good relationship is not only about each of you as
individuals, it’s also about you as a couple.
So, you talk the problem through together - explore solutions and
find the best possible way of dealing with it. And, most couples
will be able to do this if, and only if, the relationship is held
within a safe container.
A safe container is hard to define but you know you have it when
both of you feel safe enough to be vulnerable in the relationship.
Now, many different elements make up a safe container but they
all nurture a sense of trust.
The foundational element is that your partner needs to know that
you are deeply committed to making the relationship work.
Keeping one foot out of the relationship works as well as a leaky
bucket. It undermines trust. Firm commitment, on the other hand,
breeds trust and it’s an essential element in the container.
Another vital element of the container is the knowledge that you
and your partner have each other’s backs - that you will stand by
each other in difficult times - that you will not undermine them
behind their back, that you are loyal.
Perhaps a surprisingly important element in the business of
creating trust is reliability. You also need to know that your
partner will stick to your agreements. Remembering to water the
plants is a small example. There are far more serious issues.
Most married couples, for example, agree to be monogamous and
make vows to this effect and having an affair is a profound
betrayal of this trust.
And, this is where good boundaries come in. Boundaries are
essentially the limits that enable you to feel safe and they are
essential elements of a safe container.
If flirting with others makes one of you feel unsafe, for example, then the boundary might be that there be no flirting with others. If not sticking to agreements makes one of you feel unsafe, then sticking to agreements would certainly be a boundary.
Then there are critical boundaries that we call deal-breakers.
Deal-breakers are boundaries which, if crossed, would end the
relationship. Common examples would be:
• If you continue to drink excessively…
• If you sleep with someone else…
• If you don’t deal with your gambling addiction…
• If you don’t get yourself out of debt…
• If you don’t deal with your temper…
• If you don’t stop abusing me…
…then, I won’t stay in the relationship.
Deal-breakers are clear statements of the limits of acceptability
for you or your partner.
So, commitment does not mean that you have to tolerate
crippling addictions, infidelity or abuse. Not at all! Deal-breakers
protect us from these situations and you need to be very clear
with your partner (and with yourself) what your deal-breakers
A fifth element of a safe container is openness and honesty.
In general, we are only going to be open and honest with our
partner if we feel safe enough and most of us are only going to
feel safe enough if our partner is open and honest with us. So, it
works both ways.
If we know that our partner is open and honest with us, it invites
a strong sense of security. And, that sense of security, in turn,
allows us to be open and honest with our partner.
Now, I don’t want to paint too rosy a picture. All of us struggle at
times in a long-term relationships. All relationships are complex
and all have their challenges and we may even get to the point of
So, how do we know if it’s wise to stay or to go?
Well, let’s take a real situation. Let’s say that you find out - a few
years into your marriage - that your partner has slept with
someone else. You feel enraged and deeply betrayed and you
need to decide whether or not to stay.
In this situation – as in most situations - your emotions are not
going to give you a clear guide. You will be too hurt and angry to
see things clearly.
Logic is not of great help either. Your head is likely to be filled with
• You ‘should stay’ because of the potential negative impact on
• You ‘should leave’ because, if your partner could betray you in
that way, you will never be able to trust them again.
• You ‘should stay’ because everyone makes mistakes and time
• You ‘should leave’ because you will loose self-respect if you
• You ‘should stay’ because you made a commitment ‘for better,
And so on and so forth - backwards and forward - round and
So, the answer lies neither in logic nor in the emotions alone.
The wisest decision, in fact, comes from the felt-sense in your
Here I am referring to the deepest form of intuitive wisdom
that we have. And, this guidance through the wisdom of the felt-sense
in the body is a major element of a Conscious Relationship.
People who have access to this wisdom will say things like: I had
a gut feeling that …, I just knew in my heart that …, it just felt
These are not emotions. They are responses from our whole
being - expressed through the body.
Now, the best way of tapping into this built-in wisdom is to
quieten your mind (and meditation helps enormously in this
regard) and then to bring your awareness into your body. Next,
you present a statement to the body like: ‘It is wise for me to stay
in the relationship.’ What you do then is notice the initial
response in the body. A ‘yes’ response will typically be a relaxing
or opening sensation. A ‘no’ response will typically be a
tightening or closing sensation.
I call this method 'The Wise Body Method.'
Try this method with simple things. Let’s say that you love your
kids - then present the statement ‘I love my kids’ to your body
and watch the response. Let’s say that you hate cigarette smoke,
then present the statement: ‘I love cigarette smoke’ and watch the
response. Become very aware of what ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ responses
feel like - in your body - for you.
One of the best things that you can do for yourself and for your
relationship is to learn how to tap into this - your own intuitive
wisdom. It’s not always easy because, for example, strong
emotions often get in the way. But, if you become sophisticated in
this incredible method, you will find that, even when you have
very strong emotions, you can still get a clear, wise answer.
If you are interested, I have written a brief introduction to this
method which you can access by clicking here.
The last aspect of a Conscious Relationship that I want to write
about here is about receiving and expressing love.
And the basic insight here is that we don’t all express and receive
love in the same way.
Gary Chapman has done some excellent work in this area.
He divides the ways in which we give and receive love into five
The challenge is to get to know what expressions of love actually
make your partner feel loved. You also need to learn what makes
you feel loved and to let your partner know what these are.
Chapman’s five categories are:
• Words of affirmation,
• Acts of service,
• Receiving gifts,
• Quality time,
• And physical touch.
For many, words of affirmation are like nectar. ‘You’re looking
great today! ‘Thank you so much for all your help!’ I really
appreciate your generosity!’ ‘Well done!’
It makes us feel good about ourselves and this appreciation is
vital in any successful relationship.
Now, this might sound obvious and straightforward but
unfortunately it’s not. Many of us distort things. Sue, for example,
tends to interpret an appreciative comment like “You’re looking
great today!” to mean “You’ve been looking awful.” It’s an
unfortunate result of her poor body image and low self-esteem.
John might misinterpret a genuine expression of appreciation
from Sue as being an indication that she wants something from
So, find out what genuine affirmations work for your partner and
nurture him or her love in this important way! It bears great fruit!
Acts of service are another way of communicating love but they,
too, may or may not hit the mark. Sue may not feel particularly
loved by John’s domestic or handy-man efforts. But she may feel
loved if he gave her feet a massage. John may not feel loved if
she tidied up his workshop but he may feel loved if Sue took the
kids out while he repaired the lamp.
And, Sue would love it if John brought her chocolate!
Chocolate is, of course, a gift and most of us relish gifts -
particularly gifts that show that our partner was thinking of us
and that he or she knows us well.
John would be delighted if Sue gave him the new chisel set he’d been craving. Chisels mean nothing to Sue but she knows how much John would cherish them. Sue would love it if John was to give her that necklace that they’d seem while they were window-shopping together. And, of course, romantic gifts may be especially valued.
Flowers touch many people’s hearts - but not all - and they won’t
be valued in the same way if they are given as an apology. Make
your partner feel valued and do it with gifts if this works for him
or her. They don’t have to be expensive - a few hand-picked flowers, a bar of chocolate, his favourite beer may be all it takes.
Now, all of this won’t work very well if we don’t make space for
quality time in our relationship.
Quality time means time together where the attention is only on each other. So, all screens are off - no sms’s, Facebook, the sport on TV, or work on the computer.
Quality time may be going for a walk together, taking time to
chat. It may be sitting together having a cold glass of wine after a
hard days work. It may be having fun. Whatever it is for the two
of you, quality time is vital.
Again, you need to find out what quality time is for your partner.
Sue and John like to walk on the beach together. John likes to
take photographs while they walk but this spoils the quality time
for Sue. John likes to watch quality television drama with Sue at
night but her being on Facebook on her phone spoils it for him.
Quality time is a blue-chip investment in your relationship.
For most of us, touch is vitally important, too. The expression and
reception of love through physical touch is as varied as we all
are. Some, like Sue, grew up in ‘touchy-feely’ families and need a
great deal of touch to feel loved. Others, like John, grew up with
much less demonstrative parents and may even be aversive to
too much touch.
The hot-bed of touch difficulties is, of course, sex.
Interestingly, research indicates little correlation between the
frequency of sex and the happiness of the couple. The most
important thing is that the couple is able to accommodate
differences whenever these are there because, in almost any
relationship there are going to be times when sexual needs
This can be very hard. One can feel deeply rejected, unwanted
and unappreciated as a man or a woman.
This is where understanding becomes so important. Sue is going through the menopause and has lost a lot of sexual interest. It’s not that she doesn’t love John. It’s just her biology at play. She’s decided to go on HRT because sex is a big part of John’s love language and, in
some ways, she misses it too.
What I see time and time again is that couples are so busy with
work and raising children that they simply don’t have the energy
or the enthusiasm. So, if sex is an important part of your love
language, you need to make sure that you have the energy and
the time to enjoy the intimacy and pleasure of it all if it's at all possible.
And, it’s not only your sex life that needs time and attention, it’s
your relationship as a whole. The more you put in, the more you
A relationship needs time to plan, to resolve issues, to have fun,
and time to express and receive love.
Remember - a good relationship is the bedrock of your life!
So do yourself a great favour and take very good care of the
person that you love.
The rewards are great! You will inevitably become more
conscious, less selfish, more mindful, more caring and more
These are interestingly the very qualities that are so
valued in almost all spiritual traditions and that is why some
people see a relationship as being the vehicle par excellence for
However you see it, I hope that this blog has been helpful
to you. Given the richness of relationship, there is so
much that we have not covered: children, midlife crisis, ageing,
how childhood wounds play themselves out in relationship, and much else besides.
But, if you could do with some help, you know where I am.
Although, in this blog I’ve been talking exclusively about heterosexual relationships, many of the issues are, of course, common to other kinds of relationships too.
The essence of it all is love!